get thee to a senior dating site…

So the site comes up on the screen, and first of all, I hate the format.    Don’t know why….. just hate it.  Looks hard and linear…. And, well… OLD!

I begin filling in the blanks, answering things like my birthday , where they list your sign ……and I’m thinking…  maybe that’s because we’re from the groovey sixties?   There’s the obvious, like marriage status, kids, hair and eyes (yes), and moving towards the bottom there are some important questions:

How punctual are you ?

Do you like movies ?

Do you like live theatre ?

Do you like reading ?

How patient are you ?

There’s a window on the right, where you can page thru and peruse just What’s on the Menu ……… Hmmmm …..…..  I don’t think I’m hungry right now. ……. Maybe later.

Later… I begin to get some old guys checking me out.  They look really old.  Oh, and there’s a Flirt coming thru!……..Oh, ok, he’s sorta cute.  Ten years younger, which I like, what I’m used to, actually…..

Shit man, I’m well preserved………(….Hmmmm wrong choice of words.)   I’m still cute…. ………(..Sounds desperate….)     Ok…how bout “I’ve been taken for ten years younger for decades”  ( true… but…ehhh, that decades part is wrong….)

I read a few of these fellows’ presentations,  all the while remembering that favorite cartoon of mine, the one with two windows.

On the left,  is a woman looking in the mirror.. she’s quite acceptably good looking, but in the mirror is a fat saggy dog of a girl on a bad hair day.  In the other window is a guy in dirty underwear  with a beer belly and a comb over, looking in the mirror……..and smiling back at him…….it’s Antonio Banderos !         The title is   “what She sees  and  what He sees”…………                                                  Always remember that, girls………

One of the questions to answer is about your looks.  And your choice consists of Average…. Good Looking…..Very Good Looking.       I would venture a guess that fully three quarters of these (I’ll be nice) fellows, call themselves  Good Looking….

Most of them also have chosen…. Body type?:  Athletic….Are you romantic?  Very!………… How punctual? Frequently Early…. Do you Cook?  Love to cook!….  Love to read!….  Love live theater!…. ….Mmmm hmmm….

Are we seeing a pattern here? Why are all these hot and gifted fellows even single? My god, they could please a Goddess….

Am I jaded?  Have I been spoiled by life and hot young guys I have known….?       The more I look, the more depressed I get.  Jeeees, and        this is so much work!

The worst part is when you have to say no to some guy you wouldn’t let light your cigarette….. if you still smoked….    I want to say  “sorry guy,  you gotta be kidding….. Have you Looked at This here?  I mean……..Check it Out!  …….  And you still send a flirt?     Are you brain damaged?    And Then I remember that cartoon…..

But no…. I carefully compose a rejection letter worthy of the Dalai Lama,in Tact, and Compassion for my fellow man….

“Hello!      “How nice of you to send me that cute little e-motions smiley face!   That was really adorable, and thoughtful as well.   And I Loved the pink butterflies around the edges!   “You seem like a very nice fellow, with great taste and a wonderful family of dogs.    And I Love your avocado throw pillows!  However, I think we just don’t have that much in common” ( and you’re way too old for…….. nope………. Stop it!……….  he’s my age )  “and being that you live over an Hour away from me, well,  I’m just not into starting a long distance relationship with someone “…. (someone in bedroom slippers, sitting on a brown striped couch in your undershirt, kissing your dog).     “I do wish you lots of luck finding what you’re looking for !….     Sincerely….  me…”

Good god, the guy was 78 years old, living in a trailer, with yellowing  plastic blinds behind him and a ball cap covering his comb over…. Oh, and he brought up Sex in the most delightfully tempting  way………..                                            “And Sexual Intercourse would not be a Deal Breaker…”                                    Mmmmm-mmm…… this guy’s got Charisma…

Next:…. A first Almost Date.

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long ago…

Long ago in a far away land there was a girl.  She was a rather pretty girl, but she wasn’t so  sure about that.  Still, as time went by, she became more pretty to herself, and things started paying off. 

Boys flocked for miles around, just for the chance to kneel at her feet  and buy her popcorn. 

Years went by.  Lots of years. 

Then one day, she realized she was old.  Not just older…. Old. 

She remembered those things she’d read, the ones about being an older woman, and how you suddenly become invisible to men.  So she decided to try it out. 

She’s at a bar.  She walks up and stands there.  And stands there. …    and stands some more……Hmmmmm     She raises her eyebrows as she lightly lifts her hand in the air…(make it soft… non demanding… I know older women can be known as bitches to some).. . and she’s short, after all.   Maybe, maybe their scans didn’t reach below 5’5…..  Hmm..nope.  Nothin…..  She leans on her elbow, mildly irritated, broadcasting a toe tappin’ – hair pullin sorta feeling….. bring that bad boy over to me Now…..nope, not the ticket.  Hair toss.  Tilt head and softly smile.     “Um….Helllloooo!?  Can I get a drink?”  ….   Twirl hair, wishing there was gum to pop right now…. Lean Waaaay in, stick out arm and grab the barboy by the appendage…..?

Am I here? She asks,  squinting in the mirror  through the bottles….

Guess so. … Guess they were right.  I can see me, but something has happened to those guys’ eyes….

Strange… it wasn’t that long ago that they tripped over eachother to do her bidding.  It wasn’t that long that there would come knocks at the door  with no warning…

Across the crowded room moments…. The Sparkletts water man going into trance over my face moments.   Oh yes, and the time some mysterious fellow  sent drinks over….. while sitting at the far end of the bar….. with his wife….!

What to do?  Not that I’m desperate, not nearly as much as I was when it was easy.

But it would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with, eat dinner with, cuddle with.   So what does this place offer for someone like me, at this point in life….

Senior Dating! That’s the ticket.  Oh ya… must be a ton of other oldies but goodies,

And I’m so damned clever, I’m bound to attract a few keepers….

So I’ll tell ya…. If nothing else, it’s good for some story telling. 

And so begins this little blog of mine…. The one about the ones that Got away, won’t Go away,  Got it Going, or  wished they could. 

beginnings

Life is strange.  It usually is at some point or another, but I’ll tell ya, right now in these strange days, times are indeed Very Strange.

I am what’s considered a senior.  I myself do not consider me as such, but in the world at large, that’s the category they choose to put me in….  as well as female, mother, grandmother, hot, sexy, young, creative, and crazy as they come….  When I choose to be.    I can also behave when necessary.

Right now I’m single.  Have been for a while, but it feels like I’m more single now than before when I was single.  Is it me?  or is it the Times.  I have decided to keep a sort of journal, remembering always to also keep my sense of humor in the process, because if that gets lost, I’m a goner.       

This will be a journal of Love and attempts at Love in the right now crazy days of the Twenty First Century.   And may I say God Bless Us, Every One.