get thee to a senior dating site…

So the site comes up on the screen, and first of all, I hate the format.    Don’t know why….. just hate it.  Looks hard and linear…. And, well… OLD!

I begin filling in the blanks, answering things like my birthday , where they list your sign ……and I’m thinking…  maybe that’s because we’re from the groovey sixties?   There’s the obvious, like marriage status, kids, hair and eyes (yes), and moving towards the bottom there are some important questions:

How punctual are you ?

Do you like movies ?

Do you like live theatre ?

Do you like reading ?

How patient are you ?

There’s a window on the right, where you can page thru and peruse just What’s on the Menu ……… Hmmmm …..…..  I don’t think I’m hungry right now. ……. Maybe later.

Later… I begin to get some old guys checking me out.  They look really old.  Oh, and there’s a Flirt coming thru!……..Oh, ok, he’s sorta cute.  Ten years younger, which I like, what I’m used to, actually…..

Shit man, I’m well preserved………(….Hmmmm wrong choice of words.)   I’m still cute…. ………(..Sounds desperate….)     Ok…how bout “I’ve been taken for ten years younger for decades”  ( true… but…ehhh, that decades part is wrong….)

I read a few of these fellows’ presentations,  all the while remembering that favorite cartoon of mine, the one with two windows.

On the left,  is a woman looking in the mirror.. she’s quite acceptably good looking, but in the mirror is a fat saggy dog of a girl on a bad hair day.  In the other window is a guy in dirty underwear  with a beer belly and a comb over, looking in the mirror……..and smiling back at him…….it’s Antonio Banderos !         The title is   “what She sees  and  what He sees”…………                                                  Always remember that, girls………

One of the questions to answer is about your looks.  And your choice consists of Average…. Good Looking…..Very Good Looking.       I would venture a guess that fully three quarters of these (I’ll be nice) fellows, call themselves  Good Looking….

Most of them also have chosen…. Body type?:  Athletic….Are you romantic?  Very!………… How punctual? Frequently Early…. Do you Cook?  Love to cook!….  Love to read!….  Love live theater!…. ….Mmmm hmmm….

Are we seeing a pattern here? Why are all these hot and gifted fellows even single? My god, they could please a Goddess….

Am I jaded?  Have I been spoiled by life and hot young guys I have known….?       The more I look, the more depressed I get.  Jeeees, and        this is so much work!

The worst part is when you have to say no to some guy you wouldn’t let light your cigarette….. if you still smoked….    I want to say  “sorry guy,  you gotta be kidding….. Have you Looked at This here?  I mean……..Check it Out!  …….  And you still send a flirt?     Are you brain damaged?    And Then I remember that cartoon…..

But no…. I carefully compose a rejection letter worthy of the Dalai Lama,in Tact, and Compassion for my fellow man….

“Hello!      “How nice of you to send me that cute little e-motions smiley face!   That was really adorable, and thoughtful as well.   And I Loved the pink butterflies around the edges!   “You seem like a very nice fellow, with great taste and a wonderful family of dogs.    And I Love your avocado throw pillows!  However, I think we just don’t have that much in common” ( and you’re way too old for…….. nope………. Stop it!……….  he’s my age )  “and being that you live over an Hour away from me, well,  I’m just not into starting a long distance relationship with someone “…. (someone in bedroom slippers, sitting on a brown striped couch in your undershirt, kissing your dog).     “I do wish you lots of luck finding what you’re looking for !….     Sincerely….  me…”

Good god, the guy was 78 years old, living in a trailer, with yellowing  plastic blinds behind him and a ball cap covering his comb over…. Oh, and he brought up Sex in the most delightfully tempting  way………..                                            “And Sexual Intercourse would not be a Deal Breaker…”                                    Mmmmm-mmm…… this guy’s got Charisma…

Next:…. A first Almost Date.

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2 thoughts on “get thee to a senior dating site…

  1. Sylvia McRae says:

    Love the tongue in cheek approach. And….. considering your description of what’s out there, you’re better off limiting it to your own tongue.

  2. Hahahahaaaa. thanks Syl… i know you understand!

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