The wait lasted forever…. thrilled at the find, still nothing would silence the need to know. Who was he now… what had he been filling his life with since we’d parted. Was he happy… did he remember…still.
While i waited, the site entranced me, giving me glimmers of him, his world, and what most entranced was the poetry. I had no idea the man of action, man in a man’s world, man of few words, wrote the way he did.
One poem called me back again and again… even though the Automatic Translations were often times confusing….
“In Search of a Love”
Viajo pelos mares, Travel by sea,
em busca de teu porto. in search of your port
dias e noites passados days and nights spent
em busca do alento in search of inspiration
do seio que alimento within which, the food
com os beijos do regresso. with the kisses of return.
Seguem as gaivotas, Follow the gulls,
aos bandos a me guiar the gangs to guide me
apontando as nuvens distantes pointing the distant clouds
que refletem como espelhos, reflecting like mirrors,
teu corpo que flutua no mar. your body that floats in the sea.
A luz do farol, na noite The light from the lighthouse at night
tira-me de rumo incerto strip me of course uncertain
devolve o caminho returns the path
que hoje navego sozinho, I now navigate alone,
pela vida,pelo sonho for life, the dream
a te buscar. to you.
Esta brisa que me move, The breeze that moves me,
também sopra em meus ouvidos also blowing in my ears
as velhas canções de amor the old songs of love
que me fazem flutuar make me fluctuate
que me levam a dançar leading me to dance
que afastam de mim a dor. the pain away from me.
Longitudes que aproximam Longitudes to bring
as latitudes da vida. the latitudes of life.
Seguindo as cartas Following the letters
que como se na sorte that as is the luck,
vão me afastando da morte take me away from death,
prolongando meu sofrer. prolonging my suffering.
Caminhos incertos, Ways uncertain,
nesta busca this search
sem instrumentos.; without instruments
guiado pelo amor, guided by love,
pelo instinto by instinct
e por meus tormentos and my torments
A maldade me corta o peito, The evil cuts the breast,
como o vento que rasga as velas like the wind ripping the sails,
fria lâmina precisa, cold blade needs,
insensível aos meus lamentos insensitive to my lamentations
finda os movimentos, leading the movements
da viagem que agoniza. of that agonizing journey.
Afunda o barco The boat sinks
em mar revolto. in billowy sea.
Naufraga o amor Ship wrecked love
acaba o sonho, just a dream,
sucumbe o desejo. the desire succombs.
_ De bom Good.
o fim da dor. the end of pain.
The Mechanical Translations certainly left things to be desired, but I found I could just sort of blur my mind’s eye, and the Feeling would come through…
I reached with fingertips of heart, longings of mind, waiting waiting after so many years, wondering if I could be that for which he waited, that which called to him through the clouded skies, a dream that I longed to waken to.
And then at last, it came. Or rather, I found it amongst weeks of emails.
How could this be? A letter from Alcir, postmarked weeks ago, there amongst ads and old questions. There was no way I could have missed it, not seem it jumping from the page…
Then it occurred to me… his computer had a wrong date. Of Course!
That could be the only answer… And whenever he sent it, it shuffled itself into the past pile, only to be found when cleaning the house of my files. How strange…
But there it was… Alcir Jose de Souza.
Slowly I opened it… or quickly, I don’t really know which. It was that time warp thing again, he was there, waiting to be opened, waiting for weeks, and then it was before me…
…And he included a picture of himself, at work in the Control Room of a ship.
Graying temples, a more grounded aura, the boy had morphed into a man, and heart swelled into throat, the patter of past and future now present and alive once more.