Writing is an interesting process. There’s that word again… interesting.
If you pay attention, you notice changes about yourself… growth,
hopefully, and also a broadening of perspective as you see yourself
as others might see you.
As the years, and chapters, spin by… faster each year, like horses on
their return trip home, one begins to see how the writing
changes the writer.
As I review… Re-View… my journals, I enjoy both the actuality of
the moment, and the perspective I gain about myself.
I still believe the story I am telling is a valid and delightful story,
a classic if you will, with iconic characters acting out some pre-
ordained dance, and I also know that he and I have danced before,
and will again. For life is not only ongoing… it is a forever decision
we all have made, and denial is only a brief retreat from what
our soul knows……. The Forever Dance.
A new friend of mine, reading my blog for the first time, noted that
she hated thinking of me as hung up on some dude, that
she did not see me as someone like that… and so it set me to thinking.
No, my friends, I am not…
Not that type, nor that woman.
This was a chapter of my ongoing life, and I am firmly in the now,
whilst enjoying a story that for me has become something classic
that I want to share.
For there are not only wonderful stories and dreamscapes….
there are things to be learned…. and not just for me either.
When I was a child, I thought as a child, I understood as a child….
… I believe that is some bible quotation, but still it renders true,
for the journals I wrote then were truly as a child.
Love, Romance, and all the attached Thrills were my reality in
many ways, and I have paid the price of that naivete.
I have no need to go down that path anymore, for now I see what
I went there to see.
Love has many flavors, degrees, and depths. One can Love, and
yes, truly Love at that; but if that Love is not enlightened by
wisdom and vision, the quest for love becomes a distraction from
the Real, a rush towards emotional sensations, and a mistaking of
passion for Love, of thrills for Love, and worse yet, the choice of
who receives that focus of Love can end up with Love being thrown
at someone who cannot Love at all.
Ah, the Chase, the challenge, the hunt, the seeking of a prize, the
reliving and reworking of past and unfinished scenarios….
I see all these things in my past choices.
I am a different person now. I enjoy my past movies, but I thankfully
have moved on to a realer place, having learned from my
myriad of choices…
I mean…..How many times before you Get it…?
They may come up above ground once in a while, and wave a little
hello to me, but I see them for what they are, for things I already
have figured out, and I smile at myself.
Interestingly enough, most recently I had a visitation from an
old/younger Love of mine, and for me it was a clear reminder of
what I Really want.
He is clear, high minded, multi-faceted, brilliantly beautiful, and accomplished. A musician, a writer, a thinker, and…a grown up.
In order to make these things happen, he has not frittered his talents
and gifts away. Nay, he has made the best of it all, and as we spent
the evening together, I realized that this unassuming and gentle soul
was indeed my Twin Soul in so many ways; ways that created
seamless mind melds and common ahas…
enough to make you believe in the mystery of connections,
the Mystical Web of Cosmic Consciousness. And yet in this lifetime,
we each have chosen to pursue the lessons of life that were needed
to fulfill our promises.
I chose bad boys…. he chose complex and neurotic women…
Now, we could have chosen eachother, and it would be a blissful and
heavenly blend of all that either could ever want… that became
very clear as the evening progressed,
and much to our mutual surprise.
Instead, we’ve been doing our homework. I know that we are drifting on parallel paths, and we also know there is a past and
there is a future…….and the Ever Now.
I believe in parallel realities. I know that these exist simultaneously…
so then I was faced with the fact that it’s all just Fine, that it’s
all going on just as it should, just as it will, and just as we each
decide to write it…
I also realized that the He that he is, that I wish I could blissfully
enjoy right now, is there always, for me once I learn what
I need to learn, once I’m ready to relax, to just Be in Bliss….
Oh, that struggle can be so seductive! but
it’s like you never Get there…
I know that the bliss is there, because I once woke up from a dream,
and he was still holding me, my pillow his shoulder, and in the
morning misty wakes, I lay in quiet bliss…
For now, I go on learning my lessons, taking my classes in
personalities, and seductive paths.
This visit with my beloved friend has reminded me of how far
I’ve come, and how far I have to go.
It also has reminded me that I Will Not Settle for any less than
exactly where I am, and where I’m going, myself.
At some point there are Bardos that we reach, and we jump…
and move on to new vistas. I look forward to the next Bardos…
For now, this one has some very nice views and vistas that
I shall enjoy for a while.
The Bliss is there in the future, there in my dreams, and here
in the now as I so choose it.
It’s all here… all of it together …. all Now… all One.