The weeks turned into months, with no solution.
She’d been living with a daughter, helping her settle into
a new house, but now the daughter was helping her, to
the point of exhaustion. It was time to leave.
A direction was beckoning, with friends, work, and places
to stay…. Hawaii. The tropics agreed with her.
She loved the way her skin felt after a day with sand and sea…
loved the shade she turned as the days turned to weeks.
The brilliant colors fed her eyes and inspired her to new
directions in her art. It all made sense.
To just breathe…
Need Nothing…Desire Everything…Choose What Shows Up.
She liked that outlook. OK…. the islands it would be.
As well, this would take the pressure off of him, leave him to
himself, without the pull of her needs, her emotional stress,
her questions. Maybe that would allow him to relax and
figure out things, for he was still stuck.
He had vacillated continually, was often drunk when they
talked, frequently contradicting himself .
Getting away from all of this was just what she needed.
Taking action out of limbo land was the proper tack.
Her friend Eileen had an idea, and a good one. A friend of hers
needed a house sitter for a month or two, there was a dog and
cat to watch, and perhaps even a car… a necessity on the big
island with its expanses.
The woman friend was nice enough at the onset, but seemed
intent on not only having her house and animals taken care of,
but also making money in the deal…
She wanted all her rent paid, and reneged on the car unless it
was rented at a separate rate.
Funny thing was, it became known that the woman received
most of her rent from government subsidies, only paying a small
This all began to feel uncomfortable, a certain used car salesman
aspect to an otherwise lovely adventure…
The Real funny thing was she went by one of those super cosmic
spiritual names, and did her very best to appear a super spiritual
gypsy, always dressing as if going to some reunion with
Swami Sensational and the Maha Rootietootie, and she was to be
their dancing girl, and crystal ball advisor.
Way too much jewelry, blackened Kole eyes, and … of course,
as it turned out… Pachouli.
… Goddess Beyondananda, she smiled to herself…..Perfect….
It became problematic at the onset, but eventually the woman
put away her sales talk about how special it was to be on the island,
and how lucky the girl would be, and realized she had the best deal
going to get a little bit of her rent paid, the amount she Actually
paid, and throw the car in the deal.
It would just be sitting there anyway!
She also knew very well that a great recommendation, a referral
with trust, and an animal person, was a priceless commodity.
There was just no other way for either of them.
She began to get excited. Friends, places to go, nature everywhere,
a mellow dog for company, and her little monthly income covering
She’d worked with Eileen before, so that might fit in as well… cool!
Now there were three things: her stuff, her animals, and money.
The stuff got packed into storage. The animals were to stay with the
daughter, and with her son in the woods. The money came in…
As the time neared, Alcir seemed to be more receptive, even
leaning in as she pulled back… and isn’t that a typical response in
relationships? the old dance of energies.
Journal…May 5, 2006
Alcir proposed on the phone tonite. He said he wants to adopt
a black boy, to give one the advantages, to make up for the things
he’d done in war. She thought that was sweet, and also knew that
tomorrow the thought would be replaced with another…
both curse and blessing with ADD…
“Do you know what I want?” he began. “I want Peace.
I want to wake up every morning, and kiss you on the mouth,
and tell you I love you.”
That made her smile…
He’s looking for a place in Ibicui… July is the goal.
“Sell your ticket…! When are you coming?”…
But she says ‘no…you don’t have a place for me yet.’
Journal entry… May 7
She was scared…scared shitless.. scared beyond scared…
It was big…biggest…A change of life beyond what she’d ever
known, or imagined.
She drank Vodka tonics… she’d never drank like this.
And he? He was a drunk. The last two talks were impossible.
He couldn’t talk about reality at all… only bullshit.
His ups and downs were exhausting.
There were two things he said stuck in her mind, made her
laugh, and she noted them in her journal…
“I’m a mixture of Homer Simpson and Melvin Udall…
most men are…” he said one night …
…”and I’m the only one who’ll admit it.”
She pictured Jack Nicholson in As Good as it Gets…
…and the best of all …
“I can never be someone else, because I will fail”
So it’s off to the healing balm of the islands, to clear the
mind and find center.
Maybe in a month or two, there will be a clearer path to him
and Brasil. He had to find himself and his way, before he could
ever be fully with her, but she admitted to being eager to begin
this new chapter in their mutual life.