… hero mine …

“You know…. You now, with your long hair and your peg leg….
………..you’re such a Pirate!”
….. he laughs…….. and then he adds with a smirk …

“Ya……… all I need now is a Parrot…! ”

So, my dear Friend…..here’s your Parrot………..

 

 

 

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… hello and goodbye …

Hello to my loyals, and my occasional stoppers by…

Just a note to tell you there will be no new writings for a while,
on my ongoing story that will become a book….
This is due to several things, one of which is having just moved….
……the others having to do with things that cannot be shared
right now, due to the same reasons i cannot write about them…

Use your imagination, my more in the know friends…
It will all be told, one way or t’other, just not now.
The book continues …on the new year

Delicacies must be honored, boats cannot be rocked, and
Goodness Knows, we dare not offend anyone in particular just now ….
Timing, as they say, is Everything.

I will still be posting Movie Madness, and other interesting posts
as the mood strikes me……  hello…goodbye…hello!!

Ciao………….  for Now……….. and yes, that IS a poem.

… contact …

on Mar 3, 2015…. Carol writes back….
“hi there… 
You know, i am very happy that you decided to contact me, drunk
as a skunk
or not, and for several reasons:
The possibility of being friends with someone you deeply cared about,
and 
still Do care about, lends such hope and depth to one’s existence. 
It provides for the healing of the wounded and regretful hearts
involved, 
as well as makes wonderful use of the tremendous
investment that was 
made during all those months and years.
I mean, if you were really so attracted to someone in the first place,
and 
put so much time and energy into the relationship,  isn’t it
logical to not 
throw the entire thing away?
I have stayed friends with a couple people with whom i was involved,
and 
it sort of makes sense… duh…. that you might have a few things
in common, 
and a few vantage points to share!  
So as far as I’m concerned, I’m ready to enjoy and share what we can. 
You write with such passion, such conviction, and you do indeed
have 
something to say.  I only wish, as I always have, that you would
someday 
allow me to edit, punctuate and space your thoughts.
If you want readers to share your thoughts, please don’t make them
work so hard… spacing and punctuation really helps phrase things
in more the same way that happens when you speak.
I understand your method… it just pours out…
and you Should write the way it works for you.  But afterwards,
they can be made more palatable to the masses!
I have no illusions… you cannot hurt me anymore.  I allowed myself
to be 
hurt, and after a good amount of time…
……………..much longer than You, I might add…
I was able to move on to the next phases in my life. 
I am over the past, and free of fantasy, longing, confusion and
attachment.
I loved you deeply and for a long time Alcir… and now I do still
love you, 
but from a very different place.  It’s actually a purer
flavor of love.  But 
it will always be there for you.
That’s the way I am… once I really Love 
someone, it never really
goes away.  If it does, then I know it wasn’t really 
love at all,
but a mixture of other feelings and emotions and needs. 
I have always enjoyed your mind… crazy and unique as it is,
you have most 
amazing thought processes, and your life
experiences are incredible…
You have great taste in film, something i have a passion for…
yes, i saw that film long time ago, (“All is Lost”), and thought of
You.  I also was grateful I was not on it with you!  haha!
Your sense of humor is one reason you have survived, and
maintained some sort of perspective in this insane world.
Your drive, your will to live, is admirable, and your joi de vivre is
one thing that drew me to you in the first place.
Also, you were awfully cute at 29….
So… feel free to write me.  We can even talk sometime on Skype…
i will need your Skype number in order to call you, and although
i do have a little credit for foreign calls… one of my best friends
is in the UK… i would prefer your calling me.
Oh ya !    … and you Still owe me for that Metal Detector that
I bought you years ago, on good faith!  What a Rat!
My Skype is ****************
Our timing will be strange… my Skype is only hearable when i am on the
computer, so maybe an email to warn me, so i can open my laptop…
BE Well…….. Stay safe………. and BE Happy!
………………Carol
                    ___________________

 

On Tue, Mar 3, 2015 at 9:26 PM, Carol wrote :

“What an extraordinary day…. Smiling now.”

____________________

…and on Mar 3, 2015,  Alcir returns :

“To You with all my…… you know !
Thanks for being so generous !”

____________________

 

… the why of it …

So perhaps, dear readers, you might ask….
Why oh why has it taken you so long to write again?

Certainly there are more than one or two reasons,
but more specifically, the pause began when the
memories of Rio were too sad and painful to relive.
After that, I just let it all sit, processing on my own,
letting him go and allowing some of the positives to
resurface on their own.
I knew he had moved to Norway, barely a few months
after I had left Rio….married a native there  and gained
the privilege of living in a country he had idolized since
boyhood, with his readings of the classics, and adoration
of Thor Heyerdahl and his voyages.
Although in my heart I knew it had been too soon after
me, still part of me hoped he was happy, while
wickedly wishing reality would tear it down…
Yes …. sorry…..couldn’t help it.

I remember the last time we’d spoken, then it was only
the phone we had, and it was a couple months after I had
left in 2006.
“Come back”  he called.  “I have a captainship and will
be on 2 weeks, off 2 weeks.  I make good money now, and
we can live in that village by the beach we went to… we
can be happy…”
“No”  I answered.  “You’ll be gone for 2 weeks, and I
know no one.  Then you’ll be drunk for 2 weeks.  I just
can’t come back right now.  Maybe later…but not now”
He flashed red.
“Never mind.  I’ll find another woman.  I have money now,
that’s all I need.  Don’t Ever call me again….
You’ll be begging, like all the rest.”

“oh Alcir……. you don’t mean that,”  jumped from my mouth.
“Yes…. don’t ever call me again”… and he hung up.

I did call…. but only three times.  Each time he wouldn’t
answer, and I’m not sure, but I’m pretty certain that  I left
brief messages…
Like…….. hi…. will you call me please?

He never did, and I had to move on.  He is a very willful man.
He’s had to be.  Remember… he was a beaten and abused child
by both parents, because he was uncontrollable.
Brilliant, beautiful, and ADHD in days where ignorance ruled.
He was a constant embarrassment for them.  Ugly shit.

So … nine years pass, the emails come, we begin Skyping
and sharing like we never had before, and I realize that altho
he writes prolifically, his Countenance, his enthusiastic and
spirited Self on video is so much more compelling… I realize
that his thoughts, his ideas and perspectives would have more
impact in person.  So we begin recording our shares.
Yes, of course he knew, and knows.  And the idea of a new blog
with well edited takes appealed to his ego, and his visions.
He would Love to know he has somehow made an impact on
the world, and been heard for all his perspectives and wisdom.

All this was stopped for a time, because of a certain person
who had it in mind that it was inappropriate for the status of
this particular person, and a bombardment on his emails and
messages began in such earnest, the stress of it all (and having
to leave Norway in the winter storms… another story) put him
in the hospital on several occasions.
He asked that I temporarily put a hold on anything to do with
him on my blog for a time.  And I agreed, out of love for him.

The particular individual mentioned began hounding my
blogs, sometimes there were 50-75-100 hits from Norway.
Searching through ancient writings, this individual obsessed
over things written years ago, and began Writing me.
Obsenities, rantings, name calling… and I published them
briefly, so that I could respond in a firm and dignified manner.
“Get a LIFE” was basically my message.  And once again Alcir
was bombarded with phone calls and rantings….it was crazy.

So……… things have developed and he has now told me that
I may do as I wish, that he Wants the new blog with videos to
be a reality, and that he doesn’t believe in censorship.
NICE!  so there you have all the dirty details of the Whys….
and my Notes From The Love Wars continues!!
May Light and Truth abide.

p.s…See……  “it’s time” … a few postings back…